Chloe Bow on how to be single.

"What women want from men is maybe what they're not capable of giving them."

Finding a romantic partner feels like more work than it’s worth these days, according to a growing number of women who are choosing to stay single.

Between 2002 and 2022, the share of women in Canada aged 20 to 39 who are not in a serious relationship, meaning they are neither married nor living with someone, rose about six percentage points. As women grow wealthier, more educated, and embrace progressive ideas around what life should look like in and outside of the home, some of them, frankly, can’t be bothered with anyone holding them back.

That’s why creators like Toronto-based Chloe Bow are making a name for themselves by offering an alternate path to move through those adult years.

Chloe, 32, speaks openly with her audience about her decision to call off her engagement to live as a single woman: “Now I don’t have to rely on anyone for my financial security or happiness,” says the voice-over to an Instagram Reel with more than 1.6 million views. She sat down with Milk Bag to talk about the broader shift she’s observed, away from marriage and babymaking and towards singlehood.

Thanks for making the time, Chloe. You were the first person I thought of speaking with about this topic...

My dad says I’m a little radical, and maybe I am. But every day I think about how happy I am to not be in a relationship. People ask me all the time if I’m afraid, like don’t you want to find that person? I’m like, I’ve had that love. And I was unhappy.

Can you tell Milk Bag readers what you do?

I make content about decentreing men and centreing yourself. But depending on who I'm talking to I might just say I make women's empowerment content.

When did that message start to take off?

When I became confident in my experience and started speaking from the heart. I’m showing people there’s another path, and one that can be even more fulfilling.

You’ve connected to thousands of women who seem to resonate with your experience. What are they telling you?

A lot of women find dating to be super unsatisfactory. They struggle to find loving, supportive, and safe partnerships. There’s a pattern here. So many women tell me how much they love being single, or ask for help to get out of their relationship.

What drove your decision to stay single?

The way dating turned out for me was never positive. It's exhausting to constantly wonder if you’re good enough or if you’ll be chosen. And I think when you put so much time into something you kind of expect to get something back. So I was left wondering, what is the reward? Is my reward to teach a man about respect, and empathy? I stepped out of the game after realizing I have everything I need in me.

Fair. What do you think women want to get back?

I think what women want from men is maybe what they are not capable of giving them. What I’m seeing is a male skills gap: men are not measuring up to a women’s emotional intelligence, or even her life skills and experience. So for women who are bringing so much to the table, these are not fulfilling interactions or experiences. I feel so much more empowered and supported by my platonic friendships.

How have men responded to you sharing that realization?

Men in my comments will often say, well, we want a younger woman anyway. But nobody stays young forever, so you’re telling me I’m going to get into a relationship with you just to be discarded when I don’t look exactly the way I did when we met? So, again, what is the investment of my time getting me?

What about women in relationships?

Some don’t find it empowering at all, because it might cause them to reflect on uncomfortable parts of their life or a narrative they’ve never questioned. Recently there was a conversation around Chapel Rowan on Call Her Daddy saying that her friends who have kids are all miserable. That obviously upset a lot of moms. People were debating whether she was wrong or right, but what resonated with me is that this is the first time that women have really been able to have this sort of choice.

“My dad always said to me that only you can make yourself happy. That sticks with me, like not relying on anybody else to for happiness.”

What do you think a solution to some of the problems you’ve laid out could look like?

I always go back to the institution of marriage and how romance and relationships are rooted in patriarchy, including the idea that women should serve men. I think it’s important to question that type of conditioning. But I need to be careful. I don't speak on behalf of all women. My aim is never to offend but to empower, always. And there is definitely an element of privilege in being able to leave a relationship.

Do you think there are any men worth dating?

*15 second pause* …I'm sure. There are never absolutes.

This conversation is part of a feature called Coffee Chat. In this series, I sit down with cool people doing interesting things and ask them questions that nobody has before.